what made you realize something was wrong - how did you actually feel before diagnosis

yeah joe had that same cough for like months before we got him in, just kept saying it was nothing and i'm like "that's not normal" you know? the shortness of breath thing is what finally got him to listen to me, scary how we can talk ourselves out of what's right in front of us.

God, this hits different for me because I'm watching my mom go through this right now and I keep thinking about all the times she probably mentioned stuff to me over the years and I just... didn't really register it, you know? She taught fourth grade like I do and she'd come home exhausted but I figured that was just teaching. Then last spring she mentioned her back was killing her after sitting at her desk and I remember thinking oh mom you need better posture, not "hey maybe we should get this checked out."

The thing that actually got her to go to the doctor in August wasn't even her noticing. It was her sister who visited from California and was like "why are you breathing so hard just walking around the house" and that freaked them both out enough to finally make an appointment. I feel kinda guilty about that honestly, like if I'd been paying better attention instead of just focused on my own stuff...

But what you said about connecting the dots after the diagnosis, that's so real. Once they told her it was mesothelioma the doctor started asking about her work history and turns out she'd been exposed decades ago in a school building that had asbestos in the old HVAC system. She had no idea. Nobody told her. So yeah sometimes it's just bad luck that you don't realize something's serious until it's already pretty far along.

I ignored mine for about four months. Persistent cough started back in June, figured it was just the San Diego air or something I picked up. Then the shortness of breath hit and I couldn't climb the stairs at my place without stopping halfway up. That's when it got real.

Got the diagnosis in October after the chest xray. Turns out I had fluid buildup they didn't catch right away. The thing that gets me now is I was at Camp Lejeune 1978 to 1982 and lived in those barracks with asbestos insulation literally flaking off the pipes in the walls. Nobody told us anything back then. And then I served on the Iwo Jima and there was asbestos all over that ship too. So yeah, I had a forty year window where this stuff was just sitting in my lungs doing damage.

Your back pain from bending over an engine, that tracks. Mine was similar. Body aches, figured it was just getting older and all the years of heavy lifting catching up. But pleural meso doesn't announce itself like some cancers do. It's sneaky.

The good news is you caught it and you're getting treatment. I had surgery in December, got the fluid drained. My VA claim is still stuck in bureaucracy hell but that's a different fight. Point is, you didn't waste time once you knew something was off. That matters. Some guys I know waited six months after symptoms showed up before going to the doctor and by then it was stage III or IV.

Don't beat yourself up about the months before. Just focus on the appointments and treatment now.

yeah my dad was the same way, just kept saying his back hurt from years of construction work and figured the cough was from smoking when he was younger. didn't go in until he literally couldn't catch his breath one morning and my mom dragged him to the ER. wish he'd gotten checked sooner honestly.

oh man, i feel this so much. my mom was the same way honestly. she kept saying her back hurt and we just thought it was from years of sitting at a desk, and then she had this persistent cough that she blamed on allergies. like she'd mention it casually and i'd be like "oh just get some allergy meds" because i wasn't really listening, you know?

what gets me now is that she probably had symptoms for longer than we realized. she didn't go to the doctor until August of this year and by then it was stage III. i moved back to Phoenix specifically to help take care of her and some days i'm just angry that we all missed the signs, that she didn't push harder to get checked out sooner. but then i remember what her oncologist said - that mesothelioma is sneaky because it mimics so many other things. it's not like you wake up one day and know something's seriously wrong.

the wheezing at night thing your wife noticed is huge though. that's exactly the kind of detail that made me finally drag my mom to get imaging done. sometimes it takes someone else saying "hey this doesn't sound normal" to make you actually listen.

i'm really glad you got checked out and that they caught it. honestly the fact that you're even thinking about whether you caught it early shows you're already doing better than a lot of people. my mom's still adjusting to all of this and some days are harder than others, but at least now we're actually dealing with it instead of pretending it's just getting old.

My dad did something similar, honestly. He was a carpenter for forty some years and just chalked everything up to getting older. The persistent cough started maybe six months before his March diagnosis, and he kept saying it was from all the dust exposure on job sites. He'd get winded just walking to the mailbox and we all just kind of accepted it as normal aging stuff, you know? His back pain was pretty bad too.

What got me moving as his daughter was when I started noticing the breathing changes at night. I'm a nurse practitioner so I probably caught it faster than most people would, but even then my dad was resistant about going in. I finally told him I'd make the appointment myself and drive him, no arguments. That was January 2025 and the imaging showed pleural effusion, which basically means fluid around his lungs. The biopsy came back in early March.

The thing about mesothelioma is it's sneaky because those early symptoms feel so generic. A cough, some shortness of breath, back pain... people get those things all the time from totally normal stuff. I think what helped us was that I recognized the pattern wasn't adding up. The cough wasn't going away with the usual stuff, the SOB was progressing, and his oxygen sats were dropping when he exerted himself. That combination clicked something in my head even though we were all trying to ignore it.

You didn't catch it by dumb luck. You caught it by finally listening to your body and your wife pushing you to get checked out. That matters more than you think right now.

oh man this hits hard because my mom did the exact same thing. she had this cough she kept blaming on allergies, like "oh it's just the dry Arizona heat" and she'd been having it for months before she finally mentioned it to her doctor in August. I remember she said her back hurt too and I was like mom you're just getting older, that's normal right? I feel terrible about that now.

the thing that actually got her to go in was she couldn't catch her breath after walking to the mailbox. the mailbox. and she's always been pretty active so when that happened she knew something was off. doctor ordered a CT scan and that's when they found the fluid around her lungs. stage 3 by the time they caught it.

what's wild is how many people I've talked to on here say almost the exact same story. everyone ignores it for a while because it just seems like normal getting older stuff. but honestly I think your wife probably saved your life by pushing you to get it checked. my mom's husband was doing the same thing, just being like "yeah yeah I'll go to the doctor" and putting it off. so don't beat yourself up about not catching it sooner. you went and that's what matters now.

the waiting period after diagnosis before we got to see the oncologist though... that was brutal. I had to keep teaching my second graders like everything was fine when I was falling apart inside. but we're getting her set up with treatment and just taking it day by day.

how are you feeling now that you know what it is?

Oh wow, I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. Your story hits different because my mom was exactly the same way. She had this persistent cough starting around June, maybe July 2025, and kept blaming it on allergies or Arizona dust. She's a retired nurse so you'd think she'd know better but she was like "it's just seasonal stuff, I'll be fine."

Then she started getting winded going up the stairs in my house when she'd visit and I remember thinking wow that's weird she never used to do that. She'd have to sit down after like one flight. But here's the thing, she also had back pain that she attributed to her old mattress, and some chest tightness that she figured was acid reflux because she'd been eating late. None of it seemed connected until her doctor ordered a CT scan in August for something completely unrelated and that's when they found it.

I think what gets me is how many of us just rationalize it away, you know? Like our bodies are supposed to feel weird sometimes so we don't pay attention. My mom said afterward she didn't want to be the person who went to the doctor for every little thing. But looking back there were definitely signs and I wonder too if catching it earlier would've made a difference.

The fact that you got checked out and they found something means at least you know what you're dealing with now. That matters. The not knowing was almost worse for our family than the actual diagnosis if I'm being honest.

How are you feeling about everything right now?